Dear Mariella: My year-old daughter is dating a year-old man | Life and style | The Guardian
For example, if you start dating someone who is 20 when you are 26 years old, they are within the acceptable age range, according to the rule. Here are a few things to keep in mind when you're dating a younger man My reason asking is bc I am 26 and my boyfriend is 20, almost I've discussed dating out of your demographic with men and women alike, and while everybody has a lot to say on the subject of age, I'm of the.
I'm not really sure what your goal here is - and I'm fairly certain that you're equally in the dark. Is your intention to get her to end the relationship, to encourage her to confide in you in order to improve the relationship between you, or to have a family showdown? Your husband may not be all you hoped for, but he's certainly got a point. Your child is now an adult and any jot of juristic control that you once had over her comings and goings and general choices in life is no longer in effect.
That said, she has chosen to remain under your roof and if your intention is to force her to end the affair, then I suppose that is your one trump card. Having not sought an independent lifestyle, she has to some extent forfeited her rights to one, and could potentially be pressed to disclosure under threat of eviction.
But what exactly would that achieve? Either she would depart your house in unpleasant circumstances or you'd force an admission which you would still be powerless to act on. You say that it is her lying to you that's responsible for the barrier between you, but I'd hazard a guess that your controlling, judgmental tendencies may also have something to do with it.
Not to mention the effect of a nagging concern that your divorce may have been a contributing factor to her relationship choice. I understand and sympathise.
It's not the relationship you would want your young daughter to be having, but if you want to improve your own dealings with her, you're going to have to start showing an interest in her point of view. If she is having an affair with this older guy, it's unlikely to be coincidence that it began within a year of her parents' separation. She may well feel utterly rejected by her father and therefore have found what to her seems an ideal replacement. I presume that this is something you've given some thought to?
If you're 26, would you date a 20 year old? | IGN Boards
At an insecure period in her life, around the time she was finishing school, another cataclysmic event took place when you and her father decided to separate. I'm not blaming this on the demise of your marriage - a sad scenario that many people face - merely suggesting that there may be a connection between the departure of her father and her embrace of a father figure.
It will also have contributed to her feelings of low self-esteem, which also explains why she is lingering at home despite the fractious relationship with you. Her feelings of low self-worth will only be exacerbated by your antagonistic approach to her relationship. What incentive is there to confide in you when she already knows that you disapprove wholeheartedly and want to force her to end the affair?
I don't know what to say about your apparent internalized belief that men "should be" older than their female partners or they'll lose status, except a it's certainly a widespread cultural meme in lots of places, and b in my experience, cultural memes like that are usually obstacles to creating relationships that work for you, not for random TV gossip shows or shock jocks or whoever. In that sense dating an older woman reflects well on you. Older women, because of their confidence and experience, also make better lovers.
I would really encourage you to disabuse yourself of the subconscious misogyny you've indicated in your post and follow-ups so that you can be worthy of her interest. Plutarch, in his biography of Marc Antony, remarks that Cleopatra met Antony "at the very time when women have the most brilliant beauty.
Notwithstanding, what are YOU comfortable with? And the line about not able to attract a younger woman. You fall in love with whom you fall in love with. We had a lot of fun in the time we were together. Our work was similar, we liked the same movies, the same books, we had the same political views, our musical tastes overlapped. Eventually he was transferred to another city and that was that, but we had a terrific time. No one, including the two of us, gave any thought to the age difference, because it was never evident.
Except when he makes fun of 80s music. My question is regardless of your concerns, how is anyone even going to know you are dating a 31 year old unless you tell them? Unless said women looks substantially older than 31 or you look substantially younger than 26, your age difference is unlikely to be identifiable by the general public that's making the rather generous assumption that anyone else is going to care. I didn't marry any of them or anyone else for that matter but they -- well all but one -- were great relationships, the shortest of which lasted almost 2 years and the longest almost 8 years.
I don't recall my age, or our age difference, being a factor. I primarily dated men younger than myself because those were the men that I happened to meet. I went to grad school at 31 and most of my classmates were years younger than I was. When I got out and got my first internship, same deal. I had more in common with them then men my own age who were already well-established in their careers, etc. Most of the time we found out each others ages after we started dating and it just wasn't an issue for either of us.
There are lots of advantages to dating a grownup.
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I wouldn't trade her for a year-old for anything, especially when I remember what I was like at Also, did you read that OkCupid article, or just the comments? Because the article, if I'm thinking of the same one you are, was about how awesome women in their 30s are, and how dumb it is that guys don't tend to date older women.
And they had data to back up something women being awesome! Five years doesn't rate as an age gap when you are an adult. This must worry you for some reason, but it shouldn't. I remember a ton of lady-persons who were 31 at my 26 and I didn't give a rat's patoot about our respective ages. Be glad you've found someone you care about and who feels the same.
I'd have no problem dating a 25 year old. If she's OK with you, you should be too. When I was in my early 30's, I had a short relationship with a woman in her early 20's.
We weren't a good match and one of the things that stuck out to me was the difference in maturity. If you're thoughtful and mature and your are compatible, great, have a good time. Cart before the horse. I hope you've worked through your previous issues. I think you need a lot more confidence and grounding, but that's just me. I'm not a MILF or a Cougar and spent most of the early years of the relationship worrying about the age difference, it has never bothered him.
You like who you like, ask her out and if she says yes I hope you both have fun. If it becomes serious you won't care about the age difference, and if it's only a bit of fun for both of you, you might learn something about yourself and women.
Forget about what people on OKCupid say, what people say online to make themselves look "cooler" rarely has any actually relationship to what they'd do if they had the chance in real life. Also face early thirties deosn't look that much different to late 20's its not like she's got grey hair and a walking stick, no one is going to look twice. Are you sure that they've failed at competing?
I suspect that men who date older women have realized that the only way to win at "my girlfriend is younger than yours" is not to play. Put another way, do you really want the respect of men who think this way about women? Would it really make you feel better about yourself? This is not enough data to say anything about you.
In fact, the only thing this tells me is that you are into this particular 31 year old woman. It could, maybe, suggest that you're more into 31 year olds than other women.
If you really need to be older than your lady, just wait until you're 32 and start hitting on the 31 year olds. Ta da, problem solved. Or you could realize you're being ridiculous and ask this one out now. Live your life, man. A week later he turned 21 and 2 weeks after that I was It didn't last, but he's still one of my favorite people in the world.
We still root for each other. And it wasn't because of our ages that it didn't work out. But even if it was, that doesn't mean it wouldn't have been worth it. But the fact that it concerns you and you have to ask this question says to me, pretty strongly, that you personally shouldn't date this woman.
They have been together for 37 years and are happy by all accounts. So yeah, it works. Whomever started that cougar and milf shit should die in a fire. As a year old, I dated a year old. In all cases, it was two people being attracted to each other, not two numbers. Just be open and honest, listen to both your heart and your mind, and it is hard for things to go too wrong.
My wife is 5 years older than I am. We met and knew within 3 days that we were meant for each other, and we've been married for 30 years. I never cared a bit about the age difference. She, on the other hand, never seemed to get over the age gap. Thus, we only lasted a couple of months. But, had she been OK with the gap as I wasthe relationship may have lasted a good bit longer.
TLDR - Age difference is only a problem if you think it is. And honestly, it's normal to freak out about this stuff even if you are super-enlightened. I consider myself super-feminist, but still had this idea in my head that women don't date younger men, because they're less mature, and make worse relationships.
My fiance reminded me that we share the same cultural touch points. Y craze that lasted all of about five minutes? That said, while it's normal to worry about it briefly, if you stick with these concerns, it might mean that there are some lingering insecurities. I've done it at 30 and She was a little uncomfortable with the idea for the first month, worrying that maybe she was too old for me, but it turned out to be fine.
We just enjoyed the hell out of each other. Question any assumption that requires you to judge a woman negatively for being a woman and doing the same damn thing as you. In other words, either a five year age difference between consenting adults is creepy or it isn't. The older party being a woman doesn't somehow make it wrong, that's a sexist double standard and it's bullshit. Think of it this way: Does that sound like any kind of healthy or happy way to approach a relationship?
Women are people, just like you.
How To Date A Younger Man Without Losing Your Mind -
She was 42 and he was 30 when they met at work. They fell in love and were partners; they had two sons and raised them. They were together for 21 years. I guess you'd have to ask Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins. We lasted 10 great years together. When I was 42, my boyfriend was We made a great couple, and were together for years as well. In both relationships, I very much felt we were equals.
Two people, well met, who happened to have an age gap. The only times it got twitchy was when we'd go out to bars, and the guy would get carded, and the doorman's face would contort in confusion, trying to decide which would be less awkward: To answer your question: Magic 8 Ball says: The cougarMILF protection squad has yet to come knocking at our door.
Seriously, not only is the five year age difference not an issue, but 31 is not old by any stretch of the imagination - except that which has decided that 30 year old women are past their expiration date and everyone past that point needs pity and wrinkle cream. This is the segment of our society that sells magazines telling women to look younger and telling men that younger women are more valuable.
Don't listen to it. It's not that it's not okay to date them, I'm just not into them.
And maybe if I got to know them I would change my mind, but just from looking at them, I can appreciate a good looking year old, but I am just not attracted to them.
So ask her out first, see how it goes, and don't overthink the age thing. Hopefully she doesn't think the same way I do.
Which leads me to believe that some single guy wrote this on a dating site because he can't meet someone. Is that really who you want to believe? I'm a 31 year old female. If some year old dude referred to me as a cougar, I'd probably smack him right upside the head.